Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
God is not supposed to give you more than you can handle. But there are days when you feel like He is getting awfully close. God is supposed to make things better. But there are days you do not see an end in sight. You wonder are you the only one that is barely managing to hold on? You try to let go let God. You offer all to Him and yet you find yourself still clinging to a person, a behavior, a past and maybe even all three. You wonder have I not prayed enough, worked hard enough, been enough to have this burden taken from me? You don’t want another lesson. You just want to be free.
You worry about regrets, about not doing everything right. But there isn’t a right way. There is only a way through. You worry about not following your self-inflicted rules that you believe God has made for you. You are waiting for God to come to you, but He doesn’t need to come to you, because He is always with you. He is always by your side. Your rules are keeping you from living. Your clinging to something old for safety. God is trying to release the fierce grip you have on everything. You are afraid to take a step. You are afraid to fail, to fall and to disappoint anyone and everyone.
The enemy wants to keep you in the box you have built. It is safe. It is filled with memories of the past and how things should have been and should be. He wants you to believe something in you is doing it all wrong. He wants you to be afraid of breaking the rules and losing God’s forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t earned. But the enemy wants you to believe that. He wants you to believe you must be good, be perfect, to receive God’s love and approval. If you are afraid to fail, you are unable to truly be free. You are unable to leave your self-made box.
Freedom comes in small movements forward. You may think God is holding back but He is not. God may not always give you what you want. He gives you what you need. He doesn’t always give you an Alleluia. Sometimes gently singing he heals you. It isn’t what you expect it to look like. It is messy and painful. He knows how much to push you and when to pull back. He knows when to reveal a truth and when to hold back until you are ready. Gently He guides you. Gently He whispers and nudges you in the directions you need to go.
You must give everything that you are to your loving Father. Your failures will not hold you back. You may not always make the best decisions, but you must make them. You are not perfect. God sees all your flaws and He smiles. You are His beloved. He adores you. You are His. Sit in silence and ask the only one that can, God, to save you. He will save you from yourself. He will save you from all barriers you put up that stop you from accepting His full acceptance and love. You will find what you need in God.
Do not limit yourself. Do not limit God.
Prayer
Father God,
You walk with me through the dark days and joyful days. You never leave my side. Thank you for gently singing and for all your Alleluias. You love me when I am dismayed with you and with myself. You love me when I question your ways. There will be days when I don’t feel I can go on. Those are just moments and not forever. Forgive me for planting myself in despair. Forgive me for retreating and not letting you in. Strengthen me. Help me to let go of all that I fiercely hold on to. I don’t want to limit You. Help me to put all into your hands.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Thank you, God for the gift of Jennifer your faithful child of light and pure honesty. Thank you Amen