In order to change we have to look at our behavior. When we react to situations it is usually done without thinking, before or after. Now we must try our hardest to look at ourselves and find the reason behind the way we have reacted. This requires complete honesty with one’s self. If we are not honest with ourselves, we block the channels of change. Once we begin to look at our behavior we begin to look back into the past. We begin to open a world we tried so hard to close. This is the world where our parents, siblings, classmates, friends, and even strangers have added their marks on us, leaving us with imprints we may or may not like. Each of these is a layer that has been added to our souls. The positive layers join the soul and enhance its beauty. The negative ones tend to chain the soul and dim the light within. To grow and become free spirits we must peel back the negative layers, the layers of pain.
Have you ever refurnished a piece of furniture before? Take for example that oak dresser you got at the age of five. You can still remember the day your parents put it in your room. You father spent the last nine months building it for you. At the time it was its natural oak color, but over the years it was painted many times. You remember how the dresser used to be smooth and for the most part flawless. The flaws it did have seemed to add character. The dresser was unique, one of a kind. There was not another like it because it was custom-made. However, throughout the years different people tried to make your dresser fit in their world. For instance, your sister painted it hot pink, her favorite color. Then there was the time when you were in high school and your best friend painted it lavender for the drama production. Now it is a light blue. Your parents painted it to match the upstairs hallway. The smooth surface is now rough. Remember those flaws? Well, many have tried to sand them out, leaving gouges in their place. It used to brighten the room but now it just makes it dark and dreary.
The dresser was given to you one moment and taken away the next. You may not remember what it looked like, but you feel a sense familiarity that pushes you to find out. Each layer is textured differently and the thickness of each varies, so each one is handled with care. As each one is stripped of memories begin to pour in. Finally, you scrape away the hot pink and you begin to remember and then you smile.
Fashioned by the hands of Christ our souls joined this world. We were sent as gifts and received as possessions. At the time we were aware of our greatness and that knowledge, still exists, but it is buried. Just as the coats of paint dulled the dresser, the layers of pain pierced our hearts. The techniques to remove the layers of pain are so very similar. In order to remove the bottom layer, we must first remove the top one. In order to get to the end, we must start at the beginning.
There are no shortcuts. Each layer is unique and holds emotions we are unaware of. The layers of pain beckoned us to change for something other than ourselves. It is necessary to go back and confront each layer individually. If damage was done it needs to be fixed. Some of the layers will be hard to see, but as we work on one, the others will begin to appear. We will only call forth memories when we are able to handle them.
When I began to pull back the layers of pain, I noticed that were many, many that I did not know existed. From the time the pain was applied it began to eat up a part of me. Something in me slowly died and was replaced with the fear to live. To allow myself to be happy and achieve success without experiencing guilt became impossible. The layers of pain are what shaped my way of thinking for so many years. They weighed down the beauty inside me and left me seeing myself as worthless. When I began my journey, I was unaware of what was ahead of me emotionally, but I knew it would eventually lead to happiness.
Why bother to remove the layers now? Because, unlike the dresser, we have a choice of how many layers will be applied. As children we were ignorant of that right and as adults we don’t know how to use it. So, we must go back to the beginning and teach ourselves to strive to accept and acknowledge that right. In the past we were unaware that we had a voice. Now we need to find that voice and let it be heard.
When left alone the layers become walls. Walls we use to protect ourselves from sharing ourselves with others in fear they may add another layer or two. To break down those walls each layer must be analyzed. We must consciously to take the time to look at each part and allow healing to take place.
We all have the power to recognize the behavior that pain produces. We must open ourselves up and be honest. By hiding from the truth, we only build more walls. It is easier to forget than deal with what causes unhappiness. It is easier to paint an imaginary picture in our heads and call it reality. Out of fear we hide from the only thing that sets us free – truth.
Although it will be difficult to face the damage, it is necessary; for once the layers are removed we reach the joy of life. This is a very difficult task, but it is the most rewarding, for in the end the beauty of the soul is found.
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