Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.
Matthew 9:17
Old habits pulled forward stop me in my tracks. When I revisit the past and practice an old habit I feel stuck. I am not moving forward and not really moving backward. My new self is at battle with the old self. That old self is continually trying to push in, show her face, bring up the past and question it, go for a drive down memory lane, and hold me back. It doesn’t work. I can’t bring her with me. This person was developed through a marriage that didn’t work. She tried hard. She tried to fix things. She silenced her own voice. She escaped from reality. She tried to find her value in work. She allowed someone to talk to her like she didn’t matter. She wanted to be rescued and acted like a victim. Instead of changing herself she wished others would change. She avoided conflict. She was so afraid. She just existed but didn’t enjoy life. She lived on the edge of fear, trying to hold it all together so no one would get upset.
Matthew 9:17 says not to put new wine into old wineskins. I must let go of my old life. I can’t be who I am today and have what I had in the past. I can’t have the future God has planned for me, to bring new wine out of me, by holding on to bits of the past. The past is the old wineskin. It can’t hold my beautiful present or future. Sometimes to change, break a habit, or become something new you must fake it first. Try it on for a bit. It isn’t that you necessarily must do something new but stop doing the old thing. I am entering year three of my new life. The first two years were about sifting through the pain with me and the kids. Those years I focused on protecting them and rebuilding our lives. Year one and two were really all about survival. Year three is about living. My goal is to let go completely of the past, the old way. To do that I need to let go of the thoughts that pull me to the past. I must parent myself and be firm with myself. When that thought comes flying in I need to question it and not give it power. I need to seek God and be in his presence, seek His word and do The Work.
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