Life brings people to different journeys. Your journey has brought you to a place that you did not expect, losing someone slowly. The person you loved disappears in pieces. They are there, but just out of reach. In reach are all the memoires and feelings for that person you still ache for them to be. There is no going back. No changing what is. Time ticks on and steals more of them each day. It is a slow goodbye.
You must learn to love them differently. You must learn to be in the relationship alone.
Giving, but not receiving
Listening, but not being heard
Taking care of them, but not being taken care of
Tired.
Worn.
Trying to hold on to a purpose.
Haunted by the pieces of you that are missing.
Longing to be whole.
Roles have changed.
You now take care of it all.
No partner to turn to and ask for help.
No one to carry on a conversation with.
You no longer have your person.
You no longer have a built-in friend.
You are no longer a spouse.
You have gained another child.
For better or for worse.
This is the worse.
In sickness and in health.
This is the sickness.
Till death do you part.
This is them slowly dying.
You are already grieving.
Already in sorrow.
In a state of limbo.
Waiting.
Waiting.
Holding your breath.
Resenting, at times.
But not wanting to resent.
In fear and anticipation.
Of when the final piece of them will be gone.
They leave the earth.
To return to the Father.
Return to their authentic self.
And to be at peace.
And you remain.
Unsure of how to proceed.
Tired.
Hurt.
Sad.
Angry.
Missing them.
But not them that just left.
The them that left years ago.
The them that you married.
Had a family with.
Moved from state to state with.
Hoped to grow old with.
That person would want you to
Be happy.
Take care of you.
Be good to you.
Live life without them.
Spend time with your family.
Spend time at your beach.
Smile
Laugh
Breath
Travel
And remember them fondly.
Knowing they are always with you.
And you will see them again.
On the other side.
When it is time.
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